Most, if not all of us carry chips on our shoulders each day. Even for those who’ve been able to identify and remove their chips, they have a tendency to return when one’s guard is down. They wreak havoc in our lives, especially in relationships.
The feeling of being offended is a strong emotion and is likely one of those chips sitting on our shoulder. Just waiting to be unwittingly knocked down by someone with what may just be an innocent comment or question.
We interpret our own meaning of what another person says or does. That information is filtered through emotion mind and the many things obscuring our mind’s eyes and ability to accurately reason. Our interpretations or assumptions are very likely to be very false.
Often, the perceived slight wasn’t even intended or was misinterpreted by the other person. This creates an exhausting cluster of trying to explain one’s actions and smooth things over to prevent the situation or relationship from devolving or exploding.
The offended one may blow their top, expressing their rage by becoming violent or saying mean and hurtful things they’ll likely later regret, fast tracking the devolution and creating a sinking vortex of frustration and powerlessness.
This vicious circle makes relationships with shoulder chipped individuals problematic and at times exhausting. Often they are people we love, those closest to us. If they could realize how their way of being is a state of constant waiting for the chip to fall, for their fuse to be lit perhaps a chance at relief is possible.
The first step is bringing the chip to the person’s attention. One might do this with the Stewie Griffin patented compliment sandwich, with the chip feedback in the middle surrounded by two nice things.
Resolving the problem and ameliorating the toll inflicted on all parties is needed for happiness. In the short term, setting and holding boundaries can be of assistance but for long term sustainability and recovery one must gain insight into their own psyche by processing emotional and psychological causes and triggers. To accomplish this one must create mental healing for oneself.