We all talk to ourselves every day, the content of which causes us to feel certain ways and take defining actions. We may not be able to control aspects of mental unwellness inside ourselves but we may have more significant sway over our manner of being than we give ourselves credit for.

We can’t control which thoughts pop into our heads but we do have choice in which thoughts we give power to. We are the observer of our thoughts, we are not our thoughts. Those thoughts we give power to though influence the way we perceive and experience life because they shape our reality.

We can likely agree we have a genuine desire to be kind to those we love. Kindness brings us closer together and forges bonds of friendship and goodwill. To see them happy brings us joy and comfort. Being soft when they are upset, forgiving when they have done wrong. Providing encouragement and support when they fail or lose hope.

These are ways we strive to be with those we love. The topics and words we use and focus on matter for outcome, of each interaction and the relationship’s well being for the long haul. What makes them deserving of our love? We look up to and adore and them, feel a sense of devotion.

We genuinely want to forgive them so we ought to genuinely want to create forgiveness for ourselves. We authentically wish to encourage and support them and recognize the benefits of being and remaining supportive during times of turmoil. We do ourselves high favors by also doing so for ourselves.

We also are deserving of our love and devotion. As the way we talk to those we love affects the shared reality of the relationship, the way we talk to ourself affects our reality.

If one finds it hard to change one’s self talk from negative and pessimistic to positive and optimistic saying and/or speaking affirmations can assist as well as gratitude journaling. These are things I recommend for anyone but especially those struggling with identity, depression, low self confidence or diminished self-esteem. They are powerful and enabling in transforming self talk.